WORDS: Christa Hardin, MA
“Mom, did you email my teacher back about the survey?” One of my teens was asking me while another one was simultaneously pulling on me to print something their other teacher wanted them to have before lessons began. The third child was giving me that painstaking look of trying to be patient while I tended to the other two.
I loved that they wanted my attention, don’t get me wrong, but does this sound at all familiar in your home? I’m sure it does. We want our children to have everything, naturally, so we try to give everything.
Child-centered parenting has its benefits. It’s caring, loving, and often quite natural (except when our kids are driving us crazy, of course, and we’re working really hard not to lose it).
However, whether we’re single or married, not empowering our kids to do some of life themselves could wreak havoc and do the very opposite of what we’re intending to do.
Sure, in the short term, that paper is printed, and your child gets the survey completed just when they want it. Maybe they get the shiny new object they’ve been dying for at the store. But if you’re not careful, a lack of self-care in the midst of caring for the kids can actually leave a long-term burden on your children.
When we don’t care for ourselves, a stress-induced disaster or illness can occur, whether from lack of sleep, improper eating habits, or the resulting anxiety and depression. Parent overload is a slippery slope, and I know you don’t want it.
But is there another way? To a degree, no. By its very nature, love is sacrifice, and we must do exactly that to be good parents. But is there another way to love? Absolutely yes.
If your children are school-aged or older, there are so many ways they can indeed help out at home and many ways you can get self-care. You will also be less of a burden on your kids long-term because, in the short term, you empowered them as well as taught them about your need for rest and boundaries, right?
Though there are countless variations of ways you can get self-care, here are five tips for helping you get started. If you practice even some of them, it will help you to avoid parent burnout and still allow you to remain an awesome parent.
- Take a decompressing walk every day. Don’t just make it a quick run with the dog but really enjoy yourself and allow yourself to take a break from devices while you walk as well. Stay safe and in well-lit areas, so there are no safety issues, and just relax, unwind, and allow yourself a solid time of getting those healthy steps in.
- Save money for retirement. Don’t say yes to every amusement park trip and new gadget. Be crafty with empowering your kids as they learn self-control, raise money, use older devices, and help produce their own creative ways of having free fun. Meanwhile, let them know that many parents aren’t thinking about the long-term, but you are making way for them in the future as you save for it now.
- Go on date nights with yourself or your spouse or friends. It’s so important that you don’t just trade in your fun times when you become a parent. My husband and I love to go on dates along the water and take walks together, talking and dreaming. It’s also important to do this with friends or on your own if you’re not married. We need time to get dressed up in something other than mom or dad gear and just really relax and let down for a bit. Nothing crazy, however! We have kids that need us to be as healthy as possible long-term!
- Take time for parent and child one-on-one dates. Between all the reminders to brush their teeth and do homework, we can lose the pure enjoyment of just being a parent and child, a relationship we will want to go on in a healthy manner long-term for both of our sakes. Nurture the bond by doing fun things together, and if you don’t have much in common, trade doing something you enjoy. For instance, one week, you can play Pokémon together, and the next, you two can hit up the library and Starbucks. No judgment if you’re the Pokémon week!
- Keep a hobby just for you. This final tip is so important. You will be a person longer than the eighteen or so years they live with you. It’s imperative that you remember what you love also. Whether you’re in a fun season of axe-throwing, card playing, scrapbooking, or baking, let your kids see you nurturing your other gifts and talents.
The bottom line is that our kids want us to care for them, but they will respect us more when they see us respecting ourselves. Even if your kids don’t fully get it yet, I know later they will appreciate all the ways you are setting them – and you – up for success as you model lifelong wellness.
